Hurry Up, Slow Down.

Lately I have found myself at a very interesting point of contradiction...

On the one hand, I am anxious to regain full strength and mobility since my recent surgery. I have felt so limited by the inability to do even the simplest things. It has taken much discipline and mental fortitude to tell myself  "no" and to slow down. As each week passes I am getting stronger. But I find myself wishing that time would move more quickly so that I would be more physically able to do all the things that I want and need to do!

At the same time I am watching my children grow bigger by the day! Little Marshall is just over 3 months old and already he is out of the "baby stage" and beginning to look like a little boy. It is amazing how fast they grow!

My little girl is playing the piano and the violin, and singing, and taking ballet, and starting preschool! And it was just yesterday that she was in my arms, and I could not take my eyes off of her.

So, with each day that passes I am caught in the middle of a battle. A battle for time. Time that I want to speed up. And time that I want to slow down.

And the sad fact is...I can't do either.

So, I am choosing to just live every moment to the fullest. Because I know one thing for sure, TODAY IS A DAY THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE AGAIN.

What Next???????????

It all started in April of this year when I was around 8 months pregnant and Chloe got lice in her hair for the first time. I almost could not believe my eyes when I saw all of those tiny little eggs at the base of her hair (that just happened to perfectly match her hair color)! It is one of those things that you try and make yourself believe only happens to “other kids”  not  “my child”. Well, after shampooing her twice with RID and sitting on the back porch leaning over her for 5 hours (NO KIDDING) picking each of those little suckers out, I was totally exhausted. I sat there, huge and pregnant, and just had to think that there was some sort of lesson to be learned here…

Two weeks later the lice were back! Apparently, I (or someone else within our community of friends) had left one of those little eggs behind, and it had multiplied into a million new ones! “Ok God, the first time may have been a lesson, but this is just not funny!”

In the next month we had to deal with a flea infestation in our back yard (apparently brought on by possums under the house) and a severely sprained ankle (brought on by my husband’s love of basketball). At this point I was just days from my estimated due date and it all became very laughable. I mean what else can you do. God and I were still on speaking terms, but I was pretty sure He was using all of this to teach me something pretty profound.

My due date came and went and I was sure that Sam still not being able to walk fully (because of the sprained ankle) was the cause of all of this. I tried my hardest not to complain, even though I was thoroughly annoyed that at 40+ weeks pregnant I was waiting on Sam instead of the other way around. And one day God spoke very softly into my spirit “Ummm, maybe there’s a lot you’re not going to be able to control in this life-how are you going to deal with that?” Well, that really made me think. And I decided to rise to the challenge. I decided that whatever came my way I was going to face it with the belief that God still loves me and is still looking out for me and has my best in mind.

Marshall Wyatt Hooker was born 5 days past his due date on a beautiful (rainy) afternoon in June. He is a huge blessing and a very easy baby!

Now two months into recovery and beginning to get back into my routine a new challenge has arisen. Having just returned to some kind of workout routine, I began to notice that the area around and inside my belly button was very sore. During both of my pregnancies my belly button stuck out very far and elicited much taunting from those I hold dearest J. “Elephant Tusk” and “Cupcake with a cherry on top” were some of the pet names that they bestowed upon me. (Thanks guys!) Well, this apparently was no laughing matter. When I went to see my dr. about it he was pretty sure that it was a hernia and referred me to a surgeon to get a better diagnosis.

I got the word today that I do in fact have a para umbilical hernia and I will be in surgery in the morning at 9:30 a.m.  (Never had surgery before. Never been under anesthesia. A lot of firsts here!) Needless to say I am a little undone by all of this. With a 2 month old who has been exclusively breastfeed up to this point I have been pumping like a mad woman, hoping to not have to supplement with formula. I also have no idea what effect the drugs will have on me during and after the time they are administered. I have no idea what I will and will not be able to do during recovery. I am pretty much out of control completely. Makes me think of something I heard once-“Ummm, maybe there’s a lot you’re not going to be able to control in this life-how are you going to deal with that?”

I guess the only thing to do is trust. Let go completely and trust. Trust that Father knows best, and that He is not only going to preserve me in this trial but He is going to even make me better because of it! Wow.